How To Get Over An Argument (July 4th special)... Matthew Hussey... Get The Guy

►► Confused about what to text him? Just copy & paste these 9 FREE texts → 9Texts.com

***

Website: howtogettheguy.com
Facebook: facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey
Twitter: twitter.com/matthewhussey
Subscribe: youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam

***

So I'm here in America right now. Evidently on this day that is today, American's celebrate a holiday, July 4th.

You don't hear a lot about July 4th in England. If you lose a fight, that's not a fight you talk about down the pub on a Sunday. You keep that one out of the conversation.

I'm here now and Americans are going nuts over this holiday and I'm really for it.

I'm really happy for America today.

So much so that I actually went out of my way to make Jameson a cup of English tea!

Given the nature of today, I thought it would be appropriate to do a video on 'how to get over an argument that you've had'.

We all go through arguments in relationships, and we don't necessarily know how to repair things afterwards.

--How can we fix the damage that's been done?

Well... we don't do it by continuing the feud. We do it through better communication.

There are two things going on in any argument: Rules and Standards.

STANDARDS are the fundamentals for what you will and won't accept in a relationship. In other words, the level of lovingness, generosity, care, nurturing and excitement that you hold someone to.

Really that forms the type of relationship you want to have at its core.

RULES are the surface level ways we use to determine whether someone is meeting our standards.

Examples:

'I have a rule that someone has to get home by a certain time in order to show that they love me and spend time with me.'

'I have a rule that someone has to text me a certain number of times to show the level of thoughtfulness that I'm looking for.'

The difference between Rules and Standards is that Standards are important at their core because they reveal intent and values.

Rules are things that we ourselves make up. They are a meaning that we attribute to things. We're not always right in the meaning that we attribute to things, and sometimes our rules are crazy and out of proportion, or just in the wrong context.

If someone is breaking your rule, you have a decision to make.

--Do I want to change this rule? Is it relevant in this particular moment?

Many times you'll decide that the rule is not as important as the relationship itself, and that you have a level of love and care and connection that allows you to get bigger than the rule and not make it so important.

If someone fundamentally violates your standard, that's a different story.

Most people get angry, upset and emotion when their standards are violated, and they don't know how to vent that, so they stop communicating and continue arguing.

What we have to do is learn to communicate.

The best way to do so is to start in a positive way.

'I love you. I care for you. I want to be close to you. But right now, with what you're doing - with the way you're violating my standard - I can't be close to you.'

'As much as I want it to, this can't work unless you're able to change this part of you.'

That way you give someone the space to go away and to improve and surprise you. If they have the potential, give them the chance to reach that potential. Not forever - but enough of a chance to change.

If they can't reach that potential, we have to be brave enough to separate ourselves from them so that we can go and include more people in our lives who will.

You're either going to have someone who stays, and who you keep around because they CAN meet your standards, or you're going to lose someone who can't meet your standards.

You'll either keep someone who's right for you, or you'll lose someone who's wrong for you.

Life really can be as simple as that, even if it's painful at times.

--Happy Independence Day!

***

Website: howtogettheguy.com
Facebook: facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey
Twitter: twitter.com/matthewhussey
Subscribe: youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam