How to be a Guru in 5 Easy Steps.

How to be a guru in 5 easy steps:

1. The first step to being a guru is to obtain authorization from someone who is already a guru. If you do not attend to this formality you may well be ignored. A signed certificate is the usual way to obtain worship and avoid potential disputes as to your authority. The well established "Guru Yoga", in which a student requires a personal Guru in order to progress along the spiritual path is regarded by many as the best system for eliminating all Truth. Any spiritual organization with a history of Truth destruction can be highly recommended, such as The Catholic Church or Tibetan Buddhism, but all religions, large or small, offer a high quality product.

2. Mystery is the most important thing. Don't encourage your students to find answers, and certainly don't feed them too many.

3. You should teach that there are many paths to enlightenment, and that the path of love is the best one. The only other path, the path of thinking, is infinitely more difficult, as well as being insensitive, egotistical, and fallible.

4. Sex is also a popular path to enlightenment, but the guru must be involved to ensure the practice has spiritual significance.

5. You should make it very clear to your students that spiritual practice is especially suitable for women. This will make you very popular with women.