How to Deal with Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation. Spot It. Stop It.

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SUMMARY:
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Many times you could find yourself responding to people’s requests even though you feel it’s not in your best interest.

Emotional blackmail is a manipulation tactic used on you by people who want something from you and don’t know how to get it in a positive way.

You can be emotionally blackmailed by people you love and love you back not just by strangers.

In this short video you will find out how to spot emotional blackmail, how to stop it and how to deal with it in such a way that you’re keeping you good relationships:

How to spot it?

Pay attention to language tricks such as these:

“I can’t believe you are so selfish.”

“How can you do this to me?!”

“If you don’t do this for me then I will be ill [...] or not [...]”

“You have time for [...] but you don’t have time for me.”

“Chose right now, you want me or […]”

“I’ve done this for you, and now you don’t want to do this for me?”

“Do you see how you are now?”

“I knew I can’t rely on you.”

“If you leave me I will kill myself.”

“You make me so angry, and you always know how to push my buttons.”

“I thought you are one of these people who”… and here they will make a list of your values, and they will continue with “but I see you don’t care about” and again your values.

Example: “I thought you are one of these people who cares about their family, but I see now, you don’t care about your family, you care only about yourself.”

“I thought you are a good person until you’ve done so and so.”

“I thought that you will be the one that will not disappoint me, embarrass me, make me feel ashamed and so on.”

“You will have no friends if you don’t do as I say.”

“You tricked me into believing you are a nice person, and I see now you are no better than the rest.”

What means to be emotionally blackmailed?

As a general rule, emotional blackmail is using your values, your identity, the people and things you love and turns them against you.

These people are making you feel like you can’t possibly keep your commitment to your values, your identity, the people you love if you don’t act the way they want you to act. Their goal is to leave you with no choice other than complying with their requests.

What can make people that love you to emotionally blackmail you
For the people you love and love you back, emotional blackmail can come from frustration, anxiety, fear, misguided desire to help you. Most times these people don’t know they are hurting you.

More than that, they think they are doing a big service to you. And this happens because they only see half of the picture: their side of the picture.

How to counteract these abusive manifestations?

From now on, you will have a tool to contract such attacks. And this tool is very easy to use and very innocent. Innocent because the point is not to transform yourself from a victim into an aggressor, but simply to restore your emotional balance and to stop the abuse.

The tool is responding with questions. Questions such as these:

“What is your intention in telling me this?”

“Is there a point you want to make with your question/ statement?”

“How come you believe this?”

“How is equal me not behaving the way you want with not being a good person, responsible person, loving person?”

“What do you hope to gain by saying that?”

“Can you tell me openly what exactly is that what you want so we can move forward?”

Avoid using the question “Why?” It sounds accusatory, and people feel attacked and go into a defensive mode. The goal should be to defuse the situation, to find the common ground and eventually to move forward toward a win/win outcome.

What can give you understanding and peace of mind when dealing with emotional blackmail?

Have compassion for the people who are using emotional blackmail on you. They don’t know how else to behave and your compassion in time will teach them how to treat you better.

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