How To Message Your Crush (Without Looking Desperate!!)

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So there’s this cute guy who seems totally cool and you know you’d get along great. There’s only one problem: you’ve never met! Not to worry. I’m here to give you a foolproof guide to messaging him first so that you can get him out of your instagram feed and into your life!

Hi youtube, I’m Amy North, a relationship coach from the west coast of Canada. Today I’m going to give you my tips and tricks to sliding into dms. Meeting online is pretty common these days, whether it’s Tinder, Bumble or even just Instagram. But what do you do when he doesn’t message you first? That’s where I come in.


My first tip is to ask him an open-ended question

This is the same advice I’d give to guys trying to chat up girls. Don’t just say “hey”. Think of it like passing a stranger on the street. You can say hello and maybe they’ll say hi back but it’s rarely going to get a conversation going. You need to say something that gets a response out of them and the best way is to ask an open-ended question. Nothing too serious but something thought provoking that they can’t answer with a single word.


Respond to his instagram story

This is one of my best tips that I think is a very strong move when trying to make first contact. There are two reasons this works. One, it gives you two something to talk about. You’re responding to something he posted so it’s a great way to get a dialogue going. Say he posts a picture of some nice scenery you can simply respond “Wow. Where is this?” and the conversation will naturally go from there. Easy, right?


Keep it light

Don’t scare him off with heavy topics and your deepest thoughts right away. The goal here is just to get the ball rolling and let him know you exist. Let him lead the conversation if at all possible but be fun and engaged by responding to his messages at the same rate he responds to yours and by staying positive.


Don’t be thirsty

The act of messaging a guy out of the blue is already a risky move as it goes against the conventional wisdom that men make the first move. I think it’s great when women can go out there and get what they want and many guys feel the same way. That said, don’t push your luck by being too complimentary or flirty right off the bat. The fact that you’re messaging him shows him you’re interested. In fact you could probably message him “You are a smelly loser” and he’d be thinking that you want him so keep that in mind and don’t tell him how hot you think he is just yet.

Perfect your profile

Perfect might be out of reach but one of the first things a guy is going to do when he gets a message from a random girl is go right to her profile and try to figure out who the hell she is. With that in mind, go to your profile now whether it’s instagram, facebook, twitter or whatever. Are there good photos of you? Is your bio up to date and reflective of the kind of person you are? Does your profile leave a good impression on first glance? Do you seem fun and approachable? Does your username have 69 in it?

Should you ask him out or not?

If you feel like the interaction went well and you want to ask him out for coffee, then by all means, go for it. If you’re not sure then it’s okay to simply let the conversation naturally wrap up. The important thing here is that you made the first move. He’ll know the door is open to future conversations and if he’s interested, he’s going to reach out.

There you have it! My top tips for sliding into the DMs. What are some lines that have worked for you or on you? Leave them in the comments below! Thanks for watching!