How to Solve Relationship Problems

Support our channel - goo.gl/zXotsc

How to Solve Relationship Problems

1. Define your problem and solution
Sure, you know you're upset, but what exactly are you upset about? Kate might be mad about the new fishing gear, but is it about spending the money, the fact that Tom didn't talk to her about it ahead of time, or that perhaps it's another reminder that he spends almost every weekend with his friends fishing and that they don't do things together as a couple? Sara realizes that she is upset with Matt always undermining her, but is more worried about the fact that the kids are confused and playing them against each other.
2. Lack of Communication
Whether you and your partner don’t talk enough, or when you do you feel like you are speaking two different languages communication problems can destroy a relationship if they aren’t fixed. But, they can be fixed. First, pinpoint exactly what is going wrong in your communications.
3. Don’t argue over the phone, chat, or text
Personal confrontations are always best when resolving an argument between couples. Bickering over the phone, through text, or via chat can be very limiting, as you don’t get to understand each other’s point of views completely. The emotions that come with the messages likewise get lost in translation when not dealt with in person, thus making matter worse in the long run.
4. Start Discussions Gently
As you may have suspected, starting a conversation with “YOU MORON!” is never a good idea. Seriously, if you don’t want your partner to get defensive and angry then, quite simply, don’t begin a discussion in a way that would make any person defensive and angry. Sounds obvious but we all do it. And women do it a lot more than men. (Don’t worry; we’ll get to the mistakes men make soon enough).
5. Stay Calm
I know, easier said than done. But this is huge. The ability to stay physically calm during conflict showed the biggest correlation with relationship happiness of anything Gottman tested.
Did you notice the wording there? “Physiological”. As in, your body. So suppressing rage, keeping your mouth shut and appearing chill doesn’t qualify as calm. When things get emotional, your heart starts racing, the cortisol and adrenaline start pumping and this leads to a cascade of negative effects you can’t control. You have trouble listening, empathizing and problem-solving. Gottman calls it “diffuse physiological arousal”. You and I call it “wigging out.”
And this is a bigger problem for men. When put in an emotional situation, men get “flooded” more quickly than women. And once physiologically worked up, it takes them longer to return to baseline.
6. Say what you like
Researchers have found that if you want to create a positive and supportive environment for your relationships you need to give each other 4 times more positive comments than negative ones. What this means is that you can never give each other enough compliments and support: Thanks for talking, I appreciate your trying this out, I'm glad we are doing this together. This support helps you from slipping back into old patterns and encourages you to keep up the new ones.
7. Jealousy and Insecurity
This is again, often an issue born out of past relationships. If you want to get past an issue like this both of you need to first figure out where the jealousy and insecurity come from. If it is a past relationship than you both need to realize that this relationship is not that one.
If this comes from somewhere else, then the again you must figure out where it comes stems from. If one partner is behaving in a way that makes the other uncomfortable than you both need to decide if what is going on may really be wrong. And if so, how to change it. If the fears come from outside influences pushing their opinions onto your relationship you may need to step back from toxic people who are poisoning your relationship.


Music - bensound.com - A New Beginning.