How to Break the Nice Guy Stereotype

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You've probably heard the phrase "Nice guys finish last" and perhaps you've experienced it as you watch pushy,
inconsiderate guys get the job you want or get the romantic attention of someone you've been pining for. It doesn't seem fair, does it?
There's nothing wrong with being nice, but when you're so nice to everyone that you stop being nice to yourself, your efforts can backfire.
Here are some ways to show people that you value yourself and that they should value you, too.
Know the signs of being a "Nice Guy".
They believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, that they will get happiness, love and fulfillment in return.
They offer to do things for a girl they hardly know that they wouldn't normally do for just anybody else they know.
They avoid conflict by withholding their opinions or even become agreeable with her when they don't actually agree.
They try to fix and take care of her problems, they are drawn to trying to help.
They seek approval from others.
They try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
They are always looking for the "right" way to do things.
They tend to analyze rather than feel.
They have difficulty making their needs a priority.
Stop agreeing with everyone and everything.
That doesn't mean that you should disagree or argue for its own sake, but you're your own person with your own opinions and preferences.
If you find yourself agreeing with everyone, you might be undercutting your individuality.
Think for yourself and speak up.
Not every disagreement is an argument, and a difference of opinion can sometimes lead to interesting discussion in which you learn a
great deal about how a person thinks and how they feel about a lot of things.
Stop being a people pleaser. Don't bend over backwards to accommodate everyone except yourself.
If you identify with the "nice guy" dilemma, you're probably a kind person who loves to help people, and that's wonderful.
But don't be so humble that you become a slave to everyone else's needs and expectations.
It's healthy to have your own needs and goals, and to fulfill them and help others at the same time,
without putting someone else's priorities way above yours. Avoid "parasitic" relationships where you give, give, give and never get.
Strive to form mutually beneficial relationships.
Learn to say no. When people ask you to do something that you don't feel comfortable doing, for whatever reason,
you have every right to decline. If you find yourself saying yes without considering your time or desire to help, get in the habit of saying,
"Let me check my schedule and get back with you." This will give you a chance to reflect on your availability and rehearse how you
will tell them "no". There are manipulative people in the world who will make you feel guilty (in a very subtle way). Learn how to recognize a
controlling or manipulative relationship and break the pattern.
Use nonviolent communication to convey your discomfort, concerns or needs. Some people are taught that it's not nice to say
anything negative, but the fact is that there are conflicts in life and they need to be addressed in order to be resolved so we can have healthy,
balanced and happy relationships. By learning gentle communication skills,
such as giving a feedback sandwich, you'll feel much better about discussing topics that you would normally avoid.
Draw the line. Don't allow people to disrespect or ignore you.
Stand up for yourself. If a co-worker steals your idea and passes it off as his own, you're not being nice by letting it slide.
You're being cowardly. If your date doesn't show up, and doesn't even bother to call beforehand or afterwards to explain,
you're not being nice by overlooking a lack of consideration. You're being a doormat.
Pace yourself. Be patient with yourself and with others. At work, this means not biting off more than you can chew. In dating,
it means not getting too attached too quickly. Don't give someone everything they want, all at once, and expect nothing in return.
Every relationship is a two-way street.
At work, do you regularly stay late without being asked?
Do you volunteer to help more than others, or pick up the slack for your co-workers?
By doing this, you're communicating to your boss and co-workers that your time is not valuable; you give it away frequently and
without being asked, and you never indicate that there's anything else you'd like to do with your time,