How to Fake Being Sober

Watch more Bar Life & the Art of Drinking videos: howcast.com/videos/1373-How-to-Fake-Being-Sober

If "sloppy" and "drunk" are often used in the same sentence to describe you, you might want to soak in some of these suggestions.

Warning
Never drink and drive.

Step 1: Pop a Vitamin C
Pop a Vitamin C. Studies have reported that a large dose of Vitamin C will prevent drunken behavior.

Step 2: Walk a straight line
Announce to whoever's around: "I'm as sober as a Deacon and I can prove it!" Then walk a straight line. The keys are to focus on a point on the ground 10 feet in front of you and don't look down at your feet and the line.

Tip
If a police officer asks you to follow his finger with your eyes, mention that you've had a lot of coffee. Caffeine causes the same involuntary jerking of the eyeball that alcohol does.

Step 3: Eat something overpowering
Forget the mints: Eat something overpowering enough to cover up liquor breath, like garlic.

Step 4: Put in eye drops
Put in some eye drops.

Step 5: Lower voice
Lower your voice; drunks tend to get loud. Better still, try not to talk at all.

Step 6: Powder face
Powder your face—borrow a compact if you have to—to get rid of any telltale redness.

Did You Know?
Research has shown that college students spend more money on booze than they do on tea, coffee, milk, juice, soft drinks, and books combined.