How to Get Laid

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It's the reason you were created. You might as well start practicing.

Step 1: For girls
If you are a female... get laid. If you are a male, proceed to step 2.

Step 2: For gays
If you are a homosexual... get laid. If you are a heterosexual male, proceed to step 3.

Step 3: For guys
Locate a woman. Don't just stand there - manipulate your lips and tongue to create "words," which, if formed correctly, will put the woman at ease and communicate to her that you are an affable person who knows how to speak.

Step 4: Use words
Use the 'words' to talk about your massive pectoral muscles, collection of expensive sports cars, or your successful career as a multi-hyphenate firefighter-rock star-surgeon/astronaut. Now, get laid. Should you find these topics of conversation inapplicable, continue to step 5.

Step 5: Make a date
Go ahead and start checking for any signs of encouragement that it would be appropriate for conversation to continue. If you’re getting the green light, suggest reuniting with the woman at a later date.

Step 6: Don’t mince words
Convey to the woman in question that you would make an acceptable sexual partner. This can take weeks, months, and even years, so don’t mince words.

Step 7: Get laid
Get laid.

Step 8: Repeat
Repeat.

Did You Know?
The people of Earth "get laid" roughly 120 million times every single day. Please: do it responsibly.