How to Have Great Phone Sex

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With this advice, phone sex can be the best sex of your life.

Step 1: Jot down some notes
If you’re not used to talking dirty, jot down some notes so you’ll never be at a loss for words.

Step 2: Calm yourself
Spend a few minutes taking deep breaths before dialing so you’ll sound relaxed and confident.

Tip
Consider starting things off by sending a "sext" message and R-rated photo of yourself.

Warning
Sending racy photos can entail serious risk; only share them with someone you trust completely.

Step 3: Describe yourself
If you’re wooing a man, paint an alluring picture of what you’re wearing or not wearing, even if the truth is you’re in sweatpants, because guys respond to visual imagery. If you’re dirty dialing a woman, emphasize how much you are craving her body and what precisely you’d like to be doing to her at that very moment.

Tip
Speak slowly, emphasizing the last letter of each word.

Step 4: Become graphic
Become progressively graphic, ending by using the crudest words for body parts that you can think of. Say things you’d be too shy to utter face to face.

Step 5: Be specific
Be as specific as you can. Don’t say, "I’m so hot for you." Describe the physical manifestations of your lust.

Step 6: Make it personal
Refer to your partner’s unique physical attributes and erotic preferences so the dirty talk doesn’t sound generic.

Step 7: Make it mutual
Listen to your partner and adapt your talk to theirs. It should be a mutual conversation, not two separate monologues.

Step 8: Get off … the phone
After you’ve both (hopefully) climaxed, end the call. The postcoital glow of phone sex is best enjoyed alone.

Step 9: Get physical
Add sound effects. Let the person hear what you are doing to your body in response to their suggestions and commands. Keep up the grunts, moans and groans. You don’t want the person on the other end to wonder if they’re panting into a dropped call.

Did You Know?
Eleven percent of surveyed cell phone users admitted they’ve sent a text message while engaged in "intimate behavior." z