How to Apologize Like a Gentleman - Social Etiquette for Saying "Sorry"

Tips for sincere and effective apologies: gentl.mn/how-to-apologize-like-a-gentleman

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Inherent to the process of any apology can be feelings of failure, regret, insecurity, defensiveness, and indignation. But even though these are natural emotional responses when you find that you're at fault in a given situation, knowing how to apologize politely and with class is a skill that should be in every gentleman's arsenal.

If you do apologize when you're at fault, there are skills that you can improve upon to make sure that your apologies will be received effectively and that's what we're going to go over today.

Okay, so with all of that said, let's say in a situation that you screwed up and now an apology is due, here are the ways to properly apologize as befits a gentleman.

Firstly, when you're called out as being in the wrong, start by not putting up a defensive wall but rather by genuinely listening to the other person. You may think that you don't need to apologize but studies have shown both that men and women have different levels of tolerance for offensive behavior and that women, on average, tend to apologize more than men.

Another component of actively listening to what the other person is trying to say here is keeping in mind that no one will ever be able to share your perspective on a situation 100% because they just aren't inside your head. And of course, the reverse of the situation is true so you won't be able to know exactly what the other person's perspective is.

Next, if it's become clear that you are, in fact, in the wrong in a given situation, don't drag out the time it takes to make an apology rather it's best to apologize promptly, as soon as you realize it's necessary.

What's the best way to communicate this sincerity then?

It's a matter of perspective and how you phrase your apology. In other words, you should only be focusing on what you did, the actions that are actually at fault. This is the key difference between a genuine apology like "I'm sorry I did this" and a heavy-handed non apology like I'm sorry you feel that way. In this latter case, what you're communicating is that you're not actually sorry for anything you did, you only think that the other person in the given scenario reacted in the wrong way.

To summarize all of this then, just to keep it simple, start by saying you're sorry then explain what you're sorry for and third, if you feel like it, you can also add on what you plan to do in the future to avoid similar situations. The other party will probably appreciate an effort for proactive action on your part. Next, a few words here on how to move forward after an apology has occurred. Moving forward can be a simple process but it can also sometimes be complicated. People may hold a grudge for a little while based upon something you've done and frankly, it's at least somewhat in their right to do so if you did commit an act of wrongdoing.