How to Let Go of a Failed Relationship

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How to Let Go of a Failed Relationship

1. Practice releasing regrets
When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer.
2. Do learn from your relationship mistakes
Remember, it takes two to tango, so it’s never all one person’s fault when a relationship doesn’t work. By acknowledging your part, you can choose to change your attitudes, beliefs, or behavior that contributed to the problems. After all, you are the common denominator in all of your relationships, and you are the only person you can change. So learn everything you can from the relationship. What worked that you want to have more of the next time? What didn’t work? Learn it now, so you don’t repeat the bad stuff.
3. Cut ties with your ex
First things first: Implement a no-contact rule. For example, if you were married and have recently filed for divorce, insisting on maintaining only essential contact going forward. And when you do see each other, remember the following rules: Be polite, be concise and be gone. The bottom line is that you need to start building a life without your ex-partner in it, no matter how much you'd like to tie up loose ends or get your questions about the breakup answered.
4. Assess the damage
Eventually, you want to review the damage the relationship did to you. It's not about blaming the other person. It’s about reviewing the relationship so that you can learn and grow. You want to first have some distance from the break up before you can go back and look at it with clearer lenses.
5. Fall in love with your life, again
Reconnect with your friends, family, and favorite hobbies. Do something you’ve avoided doing out of fear. Refocus your energy. You may have given so much of yourself to the relationship that you neglected yourself and your favorite things. Be aware that your self-esteem will be fragile, and you may do a fair bit of crying as you get through this. It’s ok. Make lists of dreams and goals for the coming year, and go out and do them.
6. Don’t think about any time as lost
If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my twenties, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
7. Do not feel sorry for yourself
When you feel like a victim you see the world as being against you. You feel powerless and often don’t take positive action to move beyond your pain. But, the truth is that you have complete power over the most important part of the whole situation – you and the way you choose to think. It may not be as easy as flicking a switch, but you will be a whole lot happier if you make the effort to change your perspective.
8. Create non-negotiables for your life and your next relationship
Finally, you want to start creating non-negotiables, things you are not willing to negotiate in your relationship and life. Remember, non-negotiables are not preferences. Preferences are things that you prefer. Non-negotiables are rock-solid stances that you keep so that you're safe and growth is possible. Most people negotiate more than they realize. We don’t usually start off this way. Love distorts our lenses.


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