How to Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive

Do you need to have a tough conversation with someone? Are you being pushed around and wanting to be more assertive without being aggressive? This video gives you five ideas to assert yourself in a non-aggressive way

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Being assertive is a good thing and will earn you respect with your peers. Being aggressive is a bad thing and can cause you to be disliked by your peers.

Here is a summary of the five ways how to be assertive without being aggressive

1. People don’t follow your rules. Maybe you have an unwritten rule of showing up on time for everything, your friend might not have that, and to demand that the how world follow the unwritten rules you do will cause a lot of heartache. The key is accepting that people won’t always follow your rules and asking what you’re going to do about what’s bothering you, if the answer is nothing, than it will bring you a lot of peace letting the situation go.

2. Choose Discomfort Over Resentment X3. I learned this mantra from Dr. Brene Brown. When someone is asking you to do something and you don’t feel like doing it, you may feel pressured to say yes to avoid an uncomfortable situation. However, later on you’ll resent yourself and the other person when you have to do the thing you agreed to when you had a lot going on and didn’t want to do it in the first place. If you use this mantra it will help you be more assertive without having to be aggressive.

3. Don’t Yell. Yelling triggers a fight or flight response in those being yelled out and likely will cause them to be defensive or try to avoid the conversation in some way. As the popular saying goes, “The louder you speak, the less you’re heard.” Being assertive is about being heard, while being aggressive is about being loud.

4. Use “I” statements. Starting a sentence with someone with “I think” or “I feel” will make it more likely to be received in a favorable manner to the other person. Using these statements protect you when you’re being assertive, as you don’t always have all the facts and want to avoid criticizing and judging the person before collecting all the facts.

5. Stop taking things personally. Oftentimes someone is lashing out at you and it has nothing to do with the situation or you at all. If you accept this, it will cause you to be more compassionate towards others. You’ll be less aggressive when you realize the person attacking you may have unresolved issues in their life. With more compassion, you can still be assertive, but you’ll be assertive without being aggressive.


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How to be Assertive Without Being Aggressive