How To Dump Your Long Distance Boyfriend

LoveLearnings.com -- How To Dump Your Long Distance Boyfriend

What do you do when long distance becomes too much? If you’ve decided you want out of your long distance relationship, I’ll tell you exactly what you need to do to end it.

Hi, I’m Lucy Goldman, commitment expert at LoveLearnings. I’ve spent my career helping mend broken relationships, so I know better than anyone that some problems are beyond fixing.

First off, don’t get down on yourself. Relationships are supposed to bring us happiness and improve our lives. When they drag us down, and especially when we know they won’t improve, it’s a good idea to move on.

Long distance breakups are very common. One study found that approximately 40% of long distance relationships end in a breakup. Another found that the average length of a long distance relationship was less than half of proximate relationships.

And that’s because long distance relationships are tough. We get into a relationship to be close to another person, to receive and give love and to share our experiences. All of these things are much more difficult in long distance relationships. Often long distance relationships are entered into because we refuse to let go, rather than because it’s actually what is right for us.

All that’s to say, while it’s never fun, sometimes breaking up is necessary. Don’t take this decision lightly but once it’s made, stop looking back.

The question then is, how do you break up with someone if you’re not in the same place? Namely, should you do it in person, over the phone, or via text message?

I’m a big proponent of breaking up in person whenever possible. Ending a relationship is awkward but you owe them the courtesy of doing it face to face so that both of you can achieve closure and avoid any misunderstandings. But when you’re long distance, it’s not always possible. In fact, even if you make the trip to see them quite often, it still might be a mistake to break up with them in person. Think of it this way: any visit takes planning, money, and anticipation. If you tell them you’re coming to see them and they plan a fun weekend for the two of you, the shock of the breakup will be even worse.

That’s why I think over the phone or skype is a great middle ground if you want to break up with your long distance boyfriend. That said, if things weren’t particularly serious or long term, I do think that breaking up over text is a possibility to consider. It’s definitely less stigmatized than it has been in the past. Plus, if you don’t normally talk on the phone, a text message breakup can be more comfortable for both of you. You’ll have to decide for yourself if it’s the right move for you.

Let’s take this step by step. First off, you need to hit them with some variation of the following message: “We need to talk”

You may be saying, “we need to talk” is a cliche but I think that’s exactly why you should use it. “We need to talk” is a universal sign that the breakup is coming so this mentally prepares him for the conversation. By giving him a heads up, you’re doing him a kindness that can make the entire process easier.

Once you’ve sent the we need to talk message, you need to be ready to take the next step. If he hasn’t called you in a half hour, you’re going to have to call him. The longer you wait, the more difficult this is going to be for both parties so rip off that bandaid.

This conversation is bound to be both difficult and emotional. Here are four things to remember to get you through it.






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